


To Command Is To Serve

by dreiser



Category: The 100 (TV)
Genre: Angst, Backstory, Death, F/F, Femslash, Romance, Violence
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2015-03-27
Updated: 2015-04-22
Packaged: 2018-03-19 21:09:59
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence, Major Character Death
Chapters: 2
Words: 19,278
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/3624366
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/dreiser/pseuds/dreiser
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Someday Lexa will believe that love is a weakness but not so long ago, it helped show her what it truly meant to command and Costia was her teacher.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> This is my attempt at writing the headcanon I have for Lexa's backstory involving Costia and how she got to the place we see her at when she first appears on the show. Thanks for reading and I hope you enjoy. I travel constantly for work so be warned, updates might come slowly. I do have the story entirely plotted out though and I hope that will help me finish it in a timely manner.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I mentioned some new locations for the Woods Clan, here are the real world equivalents so you can have an idea where certain parts of the story are taking place.
> 
> Polis (Annapolis)  
> Tondc (Washington DC)  
> Alti (Baltimore)  
> Delphi (Philadelphia)  
> Dover  
> Ricksburg (Fredericksburg)  
> Chmon (Richmond)  
> Port News (Newport News)
> 
> The mentions of an Ice King (god it makes me think Adventure Time) isn't a mistake. I know the Ice Nation is currently led by a Queen on the show and she's the one who caused Lexa so much pain. I'm working with a certain idea about how the Queen manages to rise to power and just why/how Lexa ends up including Ice Nation in the coalition.
> 
> Last but not least, for my own idea of what exactly Costia looks like, google Fatima Siad. Here's an easy image link for you: oi58.tinypic.com/fa4kr6.jpg
> 
> Okay. Information dump over. Thanks again for reading. Also, I edited this fic summary way too many times. lol. I think I'm finally satisfied with it now.

The Commander dies when Lexa is ten. His death is a distant thing to Lexa, she has never so much as seen him, only hearing his edicts that send their people to war as he created conflict after conflict. It is not anyone's place to question the wisdom of the Commander but she knows her father died fighting his wars just as surely as she knows that the Mountain Men stole her mother from her.

When the Shaman arrives, Lexa is reluctant and annoyed to be brought before him along with the other village children. She wants to protest but Anya silences her with a look and Lexa instantly knows better. Anya is all she has left in this world and her First cares for her fiercely and loyally. Lexa knows if Anya needs her to do this, stupid as it might seem, then it must be done. Countless objects are brought before them and all he says is choose. Lexa rolls her eyes, not bothering to stop and stare like the other children. This is foolish and a waste of time, she could be training with Anya, she could be climbing trees and hunting deer. Instead, she's staring at an old pile of junk being judged by some ridiculous elder from the capitol.

Unthinking and uncaring, she picks a wooden flute. 

Many years later, when she is grown and almost Anya's height, her First will scoff and drawl, "A Flute. Why, of all things, a flute?"

"I liked how it looked," Lexa would reply just as carelessly as she chose the object. Having no idea what it would later mean for her. 

There are more tests given, seemingly meaningless questions asked and answered, and as it goes on, Lexa has a sinking suspicion she is winning something she did not even know she was in the running for. Anya's gaze goes from stern to steadying and then, most worrying, quiet concern. When the Shaman beams at Lexa, clasping her shoulders and declaring her to be a patentil, Anya steps forward. As if she knows what was coming as he insists Lexa be brought to the capitol for further examination. Lexa cannot help the uneasiness that seizes her even as Anya states that she will be joining them. The Shaman looks as if he might protest but decides against it. This is for the best as there is no argument to be had, Lexa is her Second and Anya will not leave her. The Shaman has no choice but to accept this and Lexa finds some measure of relief. Though she is still utterly confused by whatever is happening.

They decide to leave at daybreak and it is only when she is finally alone with Anya does Lexa get her answers. “It is part of the search," Anya murmured and Lexa's eyes go wide. She recalls something her mother once told her when she asked about how the Commander was chosen. That it wasn’t the same as selecting who they sent to the Senate, which was accomplished by a vote of all the people in the village. Instead, the Commander was found through an extensive search of the tribe. Where they tested and questioned the children, until all the potentials were brought before the clergy. "The Commander is gone but his spirit will find another."

"Me?" Lexa's disbelief is palpable and the look Anya gives her lets her know her First understands the sentiment.

"They will test many children throughout our tribe," Anya continued, her voice and gaze calming, and Lexa feels herself relaxing as a result. "It will go on until the new Commander can be determined. You need not worry or fear. There is nothing to be done to allow nor prevent this, Lexa. It is or it is not."

Lexa nods her head and soon falls into a troubled sleep. She knows Anya is right. There is nothing she can do to stop this because she doesn't even know what they are looking for. The Commander is an abstract concept to her and she cannot conceive how picking a flute and confessing to a fear of the endless deep and the monsters hidden there could possibly link her to them. Still, it is not her place to question the ways of her people. They leave at daybreak and Lexa cannot help but look back at Tondc and her people who look after her with wide and worried eyes. Anya tells her quietly she will see them again but there is something twisting in her stomach and sinking in her heart that tells Lexa this isn't the truth. Though she has little reason to feel this way.

The journey to the capitol is long and it is only Anya and her training that keeps Lexa from going mad. The Shaman is always there, his eyes forever upon her, judging her every move and Lexa feels suffocated by it. She doesn't know what he wants from her, what he is looking for, and she wants to scream that he will not find it in her. That she is not the Commander but she bites her tongue and stills the words in her throat. She remembers what her mother told her, to choose her words carefully, that once they are released into the world they cannot be taken back, and that silence is preferred to nonsensical chatter. Her mother would never suffer fools and Lexa was raised in this vain. So she keeps her frustration inside, only releasing it during the hunt and in her training.

Anya knows and understands, helping Lexa work through it, her words and touch are a steadying reassurance. Her First is everything to her now, she is Lexa's guide in this world and Lexa has learned to trust her absolutely. Anya will not let any harm come to her and whatever madness this is, Lexa knows she will be safe as long as Anya remains by her side. Still, not even Anya can erase Lexa's anxiety when they finally arrive at Polis and she travels through its gates and sees the docks and the mighty ships of their fleet. It is one thing to hear of the greatness of their capitol and quite another to see for herself. She loves Tondc and all those she knows in it but Polis is of another world entirely. It is intimidating and awe inspiring in a way that Lexa can't quite fathom.

The Shaman says he must take Lexa to the clergy and Anya's hands are warm on Lexa's shoulders. "It is or it is not, Lexa," Anya said and Lexa nodded, feeling herself calm at these words. Then Anya lifted her gaze to stare at the Shaman and said with clear warning, "She remains my Second. You know the law. Until she is capable and I release her, she is in my care. Return her to me before midday. No matter what becomes of this, she is still to be a warrior."

Lexa knows the Shaman isn't pleased but there is little he can do about it. This is the law of their people. Even if it wasn't, Lexa suspected Anya would manage to get her way. Anya was the Second to their Praetor in Tondc. She's learned all she knows from the person chosen to govern over their village, including the necessities of politics. Besides that, Anya completed her warrior training sooner than any in the history of their tribe at the age of fourteen. It's because of this and who her First is, that Anya is already being groomed to lead her own settlement. Though, at seventeen, she could be considered a youth by some her words still hold sway if only due to the amount of battles she has seen and won. Lexa's First is a warrior of some importance and that means the Shaman cannot ignore her instructions. They must be heard and obeyed. Otherwise, there will be consequences that Lexa is certain he will not enjoy. 

Days turn into weeks and Lexa turns eleven in the midst of all this. Until, slowly, the numbers dwindle, leaving only four children out of the original fifty and Lexa is stymied to find herself among them. Her irritation continues to mount as she is forever being examined and questioned and she repeats Anya's words like a mantra. It is or it is not. There is nothing to be done to allow nor prevent this. And that's what she tells herself when she is led blindfolded into the Wasteland.

Where they stop, she doesn't know, and she would panic except for Anya's voice in her ear as she is lifted off a horse. "Do not fear," Anya's voice is a command, "and remember everything I taught you."

What is this, Lexa wants to ask. Why is this happening? It is or it is not, she understands that, but she doesn't understand this. What purpose does this serve and why is Anya going along with it? Lexa wants to shout this into the sky but her First is already moving away. Lexa's hands are tied behind her back and she is forced onto the sand, into a sitting position. There is a quiet thump and the neigh of their horses and for a moment Lexa thinks they are alone. One of the other children is crying and Lexa suspects it's the boy from the capitol. She judged him soft from the start and she's so distracted by him that she's startled by the soft press of lips on her forehead and Lexa has to blink back the tears that form in her eyes. 

"Anya," Lexa whispered in desperation and she wants to reach for her First, beg her to stay, to keep her safe, but she knows she cannot. The ropes tied tightly around her wrists remind her of that all too clearly. 

"You are strong," murmured Anya and Lexa hears more voices, just as quiet and concerned, speaking to the others. Last words, she thinks. A callused hand holds her chin in a surprisingly gentle hold. "Find your way back." Anya paused and for a moment Lexa thought she was gone but then she felt the light brush of Anya's hair against her cheek and her voice was soft but authoritative in her ear. "Do not concern yourself with the others. You can help them by returning as quickly as you can. Do you understand me? Save yourself first, Lexa, and then we will rescue them." 

"Yes," said Lexa, her throat bobbing. She is barely able to contain her tears then Anya is gone and Lexa can only feel bereft.

It is night, she knows that from the cool air, and the sounds she heard during their journey. There isn't much time before the sun will rise and bake their skin, exhausting their minds and dehydrating their bodies. Lexa squirms in her bonds, twisting her wrists as she tried to recall everything Anya taught her about escaping from bonds. It takes nearly four hours before she manages to free her hands. Ripping the blindfold from her eyes, Lexa sees one other has escaped. She had suspected as much from the grunts she heard and she sees there is little left of the supplies they were given. Though he was kind enough to leave them two skins of water, a pouch of food, and a newly sharpened knife. Lexa frowned, looking at the landscape, thinking about the sounds she heard. Anya had approached from the east and these things weren't Lexa's. They belonged to the other children... so they were most likely left by their parents. Which meant Anya would have left something for her.

Something she would have hidden from prying eyes and greedy hands because Anya would have known that it was folly to leave valuable supplies vulnerable to scavengers. Doing that was as good as giving them away. And so, Lexa scrambles forward on her hands and knees. But where to look? There is nothing here but desolation. It's a flat and burning waste consisting of sand and one sad little excuse of a tumbleweed bush to the east. 

The east... the direction Anya approached her from. Lexa runs over to the bush, her hands digging into the sand frantically until she finds the buried pack of supplies. Three skins of water, dried meat, a head scarf, and her sword. She nearly sobs from the relief she feels and Lexa puts the scarf on quickly and slings her sword over her shoulder. Lexa paused at the cries of the two left in bondage. Duncan and Ingrid, the boy from the city and the girl from the sea. The girl she knows will escape, she is halfway out of her bonds already, but the boy... 

Lexa goes to him and puts the knife in his hand and wishes him good luck and she starts her journey east. Surely Anya chose that direction for a reason. Maybe she was telling her Second the way in which to return. It was strange and superstitious and she had no proof of this but something in Lexa told her this was the truth of the matter. She had to believe that Anya was helping her however she could because if she was it gave Lexa a purpose and something to fight for. She would do as her First instructed, she would save herself, and she would find her way back.

The Wasteland earns its name and there is nothing to use for shelter when the sun rises and bores down on her, hot and relentless. Lexa decides to stop walking, thinking it useless to move in this heat, it's just exhausting herself further. She uses the scarf to cover herself and tries to not drink too much of her water as she wonders where the other boy, Franklin, is. He is clever, almost as much as she is, and is also being trained to be a warrior. Lexa doesn't think he would cover his tracks. Which means he isn't heading in the same direction as her. Wherever he is, Lexa hopes he is safe.

Anya would scold her for having sentimental thoughts like that. He had certainly stolen from the others, leaving just two skins of water, some food, and a knife, and he would've stolen from Lexa too if Anya hadn't the foresight to hide her supplies. Despite his faults, he's smart and strong, and Lexa knows those are qualities of the Woods Clan and he will be a good warrior when he is grown. If he is just given that chance.

It's only hours but it seems like days until the sun is low in the sky and the air is cool and Lexa begins her journey again. Ever eastward, rationing her food and drink, heading in what she hopes the direction Anya was leading her. She doesn't know what this is proving. What is this supposed to mean? Why must she do this? And if she finds Anya what happens next? If reaching the end of the Wasteland means that she is to be ordained the next Commander then Lexa doesn't want it. She just wants to return to Tondc and continue her training under Anya and become a strong warrior for her tribe. Lexa doesn't know what being a Commander entails and she doesn't want to know. The endless questions and tests nearly drove her to madness before and if they continue she knows she will not be able to keep her temper, no matter how many lessons Anya has given her on patience.

Besides, she's only eleven, how can she be the Commander? The voice of their people and a warrior reincarnated throughout the ages? It's idiocy to even consider it and if her mother lived then she would have laughed at the mere idea. Her mother...

On the third day, it is her face Lexa sees as she stumbles through the desert. Smiling wide and her arms reaching out, Lexa runs to her mother only to find nothing but more sand and desolation. There is no end to this wasteland and Lexa thinks perhaps escaping it is impossible. Maybe none of them possess the spirit of the Commander, maybe her destiny is to die out here, ending the her family line and returning to the earth. 

There are only two skins of water left and Lexa doesn't know how much she should ration. It seems as if the desert never ends and Lexa wishes Anya had left her some sign of how long she would have to travel. She doesn't know how long she can keep this up without knowing when or if she will ever reach her destination. Lexa has never been good at working without a goal in mind. If she doesn’t know what is meant to be the result she grows impatient with the entire process and it's what Anya lectures her about the most. The reason patience has been preached to her over and over. 

By the morning of the fifth day, Lexa is convinced she is going to die in the waste. That she doesn't have the spirit of the Commander or even of the Trigedakru. She is nothing more than an eleven year old girl trying to convince herself she can become a woman and a warrior some day but Lexa knows that isn't going to happen. The sun beats relentlessly down on her and she curls into herself, feeling the sand burn her skin, and she curses her existence. When night comes, Lexa stands only out of force of habit, and she stumbles through the landscape. At first, it is the same as it always has been and Lexa is certain she will die out here. She has only one skin of water left and her food is nearly gone. She hadn't rationed correctly, she failed Anya, learned her lessons wrong and Lexa hopes that Anya will not blame herself for her demise.

Then slowly, the flat emptiness shifts into something else. A spark of green in the distance. The hint of a rolling hill and Lexa thinks it's another mirage at first but it doesn't disappear after an hour. It stays in her sight and it grows larger the more steps she takes and Lexa thinks this is what was to the east. This was what Anya was pointing her towards and she wants to run but it's all she can do to keep stumbling forward. She doesn't stop as night turns into day, her gaze focused on the green growing ever closer and the sound of horses and the sight of an encampment. They were here, they were waiting.

Anya running towards her is the last thing Lexa sees before she lets the black nipping at the edges of her mind take hold.

How long she has been sleeping, Lexa doesn't know but it feels as if it wasn't anywhere long enough. She is still bone weary when she wakes and Anya is by her side in the tent. Her gaze attentive and filled with concern the likes of which Lexa hasn't seen since she lost her mother. Lexa tries to speak but her throat is dry as the desert she's just escaped and Anya immediately offers her a skin of water and Lexa drinks from it greedily.

"Yu Heda," Anya said this solemnly and Lexa chokes on the water, making Anya form a hint of a smile. She cannot speak, her voice is gone, but she croaks her disbelief and Anya pushes her back onto the pallet, telling her silently to rest. "It is or it is not," she reminded gently, "now that it is, you must accept it." An all consuming fear and denial seizes her and this must be all too obvious because Anya moves closer, cupping Lexa's cheek in her hand. "Calm yourself. Do not fear the unknown. Unless you wish to live your life like prey instead of the warrior I will make you." Lexa sinks back onto the pallet, her mind racing like the wings of a hummingbird, and her body aching with exhaustion. "Sleep now. I will stay with you." 

Lexa doesn't need to ask if Anya means this in the present or the future. Her First would never leave her, of this Lexa is certain. This is the only comfort Lexa has to cling to as she drifts back into unconsciousness, already dreading whatever is to come next.

\---

The Commander is made as much as they are divinely chosen. At least, that’s what Lexa is told when she returns to the capitol and is brought before the Clergy of Shamans. All the signs point to the Commander’s spirit choosing her but that isn’t enough. One has to prove themselves worthy. Apparently that was done through lessons.

Lexa had thought the questions and the inane tests horrible enough but this was to be another form of torture. She was told she would have to remain in the capitol for at least a year to begin her education. That she must learn everything the previous Commanders had. This included teachings on world and tribal history, languages, reading and writing, the study of math and the sciences, and the most important, war strategy and tactics. Lexa looked to Anya with silent and sinking despair, wanting none of this. When they are finally left alone, Anya clasped her shoulders and asked, “How is a sword made?”

“With steel and fire,” said Lexa, frowning and shifting from foot to foot. 

“You must become the sword of our people,” said Anya soft and serious, kneeling to look into Lexa’s eyes. “We will forge you into the Commander and this is how. It won’t be easy and it will seem like a thankless task but you have been chosen, Lexa, and you are strong. Do not give them reason to doubt you.” 

There was a hidden warning in Anya’s words and Lexa wondered at it. She heard whispers in her brief time in the capitol about the truth behind the Commander’s recent passing. That perhaps it wasn't their enemies but one his own citizens who was responsible. He had led their people to death and disaster far too many times and there were some who felt his leadership was false. It was rare but not unheard of that the Commander is chosen but later is found to be an imposter. This happened only twice in the history of their tribe but the result had been bloody and brutal revolutions that ended in the false Commander’s death.

If you give them reason to doubt you, your fate will be the same. That was the unspoken message. There was no escaping this, not unless she attempted to flee her tribe, and even then Lexa was sure they would come after her. It reflected badly on the Woods Clan if their chosen leader ran like a coward, seeking refuge in another tribe. Such a thing would paint them as fools and their leadership as weak, something that could be easily overtaken. 

Lexa could live proudly as the Commander or she could die shamefully as an imposter. There were no other options to be had. With that in mind, she gritted her teeth, stowed her complaints, and presented herself for tutoring. All while trying to grasp the idea that she was somehow destined to lead her people. 

Such a thing just didn’t seem possible. 

Her home in Polis is vast and impressive and Lexa had never imagined such a building could exist. It's from the days long past and like everything else in their capitol it had cracked and crumbled. Only for them to later restore its former greatness, along with the rest of their city. The grounds are green and overgrown and Lexa finds some relief in the trees and the sweet smells of nature that continue to surround her. Every day she's immersed in her lessons from sun up until sun down, her only breaks coming in the form of Anya's training. It's one thing that doesn't feel like a trial to Lexa because it comes naturally to her, the sweeps, kicks, and punches. The smooth form of the katas Anya teaches her and how to make the sword an extension of her very body. Lexa delights in these things and the freedom she finds as they lose themselves in the woods that surround the Government House, hunting for their dinner. She feels more herself in these times than anything else and she wonders what she is becoming, stuck forever in these lessons, learning endless fact after fact, lost as to how they might help her people. 

"There is wisdom in their words, Lexa," Anya advises her as they butcher the deer Lexa had killed with a perfect shot of her arrow. "You must learn the things your people cannot. They don't have the time to spend buried in old books, they are trapped in the realities of the here and now. They concern themselves with their survival but you must be able to think of more than that, to bring them to something better." 

"And I will do that learning about the old world and geometry?" asked Lexa skeptically, yanking back the hide aggressively, a frown deep on her features. 

"You will expand your mind," said Anya quietly, looking at Lexa with a solemn expression. "I can think of nothing that suits the Commander more."

Lexa sighed heavily and continued in her task, not understanding, but silently promising to do as her First advised. Anya had never led her astray and Lexa did not believe she would start now. After all, it was only Anya's presence that made her being a prisoner to these lessons somewhat bearable. "I know it must be done," said Lexa finally, "I just wish I could have some freedom. I don't understand how the Commander can be kept a captive by her own Senators."

"They wish to see you protected," said Anya carefully and Lexa lifted her head, looking at her First with an attentive gaze. "There are those who would see you harm, Lexa. Enemies of the Woods Clan who do not wish us to have the blessing of a new Commander. The Senators don't want our people to be deprived of your leadership before you have the chance to demonstrate it." Lexa sighed at this and returned to her work, resigning herself to a life of spent trapped indoors with the only escape provided by Anya's training. "However," Anya went on and Lexa darted her eyes up hopefully, "I will talk with them. It does not speak well of our tribe's courage to hide our Commander away from the world in which she is meant to lead us." 

The next day Lexa is introduced to her bodyguard, Gustus, and she is allowed to venture out into the city square. It's sprawling and full of life, her people crowd the streets, selling their goods and conducting business. Children race past on the way to school, soldiers train in the courtyard, city guards patrol to keep the peace, and it's everything Lexa could have imagined and more. This is her city, her capitol, the shining light of the Woods Clan, and she is meant to protect it, to help it thrive and for the first time Lexa feels as if she understands what this calling truly means. Gustus puts a heavy hand on her shoulder, grinning widely, saying the Commander should taste the best food Polis has to offer and takes her to a small restaurant on the edge of the city. He shouts out their order and sits in the chair facing the street, his body blocking hers from view and Lexa beams at him.

"Heda," Gustus is the first to call her this and Lexa starts at the word before realizing that is who she is now. Still, there is a certain weight, a solemnity to hearing her title in Trigedasleng instead of the common tongue. "This is your city and these are your people. They shouldn't be kept from you." Lexa dipped her head, silently acknowledging the truth of his words and Gustus offered her a broad smile in response. "I want you to know, I serve you, not the Senate."

Unable to help herself, Lexa laughed, all the while knowing it wasn't at all Commander appropriate behavior. Still, Gustus smiled and laughed with her, his strong hands slapping their table as he shouted for their drinks. "Thank you, Gustus," Lexa breathed. "I appreciate your kindness."

"You are Heda, you shouldn't be kept inside like an invalid," declared Gustus heartily, putting his elbows on the table and leaning forward. "Studies and learning are important but so are your wants and desires. I am yours to command, Heda, and I will only do as you ask. I promise you that."

She could only nod and swallow the lump in her throat, unused to such things being said to her. Anya was her First and Lexa knew she cared for her, that she had Lexa's best interests at heart, but no one had ever pledged themselves to her in such an earnest manner. Even the Senate and the Shamans had not done such a thing. Instead, they instructed and taught her, judging her with silent eyes and ever alert ears, while Gustus gave her acceptance and allegiance. Taking in his wide smile as he accepted their drinks, she swore that she would not betray his trust. 

"You were of the City Guard?" asked Lexa, taking a sip of her drink after Gustus motioned it was safe to consume. It was a juice made from the local berries that she had never tasted before and was sweet and pleasing on her tongue, making her wish it had been available in Tondc. 

"Myself and my brother, Johan," said Gustus proudly. "He serves as Captain of the City Guard now that he has retired from the games." Lexa blinks and Gustus can see the slight confusion in her eyes and he slaps his hands on his knees. "You must see the games, Heda! It is greatest spectacle our capitol can offer. It is the one place you can witness the skills of our best warriors when they are not in battle." 

"But no lives are lost," said Lexa, a frown clinging to her features. 

Even in Tondc she heard of the games and she wondered at their purpose. Their village Praetor had spoken disdainfully of the games, saying they foolishly injured their best warriors for nothing more than sport. Lexa couldn't understand the good in staging fights when they had so many real ones they were forced into. Especially fights that would needlessly risk lives on something worthless like bragging rights and a bit of gold in their pocket. All their people were precious to the Woods Clan and Lexa couldn't comprehend how that belief could possibly exist within the games.

"None are killed but there are injuries," Gustus said, speaking earnestly as he saw the seriousness in Lexa's expression. "It is good for warriors, Heda. Sometimes being at peace makes a soul uneasy and you cannot just return to your old life. The games help them deal with that and keep their skills fresh, so they will be ready to face our enemies." He paused, shifting in his seat, and offered, "I think it is blessed that we have them. They help our warriors greatly." 

"I would like to see them then," said Lexa, smiling at him, feeling it grow wider as he released an excited noise in response. Chuckling again, Lexa took a drink from her juice and gazed out at the courtyard. Watching over her people and feeling a strange measure of peace for the first time in a very long while. Perhaps being the Commander wouldn't be so awful if she was meant to lead people like Gustus.

From that day forward, Lexa was allowed to explore the capitol with Gustus by her side. She wandered its streets and spoke with her people, learning of their joys and sorrows, and trying her best to understand how she might help them as their Commander. With them in her mind, her lessons no longer seemed a time of tedium and torture, but instead a necessity in order to lead them. Through her journeys in the city, she found purpose in her every day life and it wasn't too long after this that she was brought before her Generals to begin her tutoring on war strategy and tactics. It was then that she met one of their brightest new Generals, who heralded from a settlement just to the south of her own. 

Indra was fierce, much like Anya, but there was an vehemence to her that Anya simply didn't have because of how well Lexa knew her First. They had grown up together and had seen one another through the best and worst of times and Lexa knew more of Anya than any other person and that kept her from being distant from Lexa. There was no such familiarity with Indra and in her, Lexa saw shades of herself. She saw a vision of how she could present herself to her enemies and perhaps her people as the Commander. Someone to respect and sometimes fear, someone that would inspire them to reach ever greater heights. 

It was for this reason that Lexa clung to Indra's every word and heeded her lessons like no other save Anya.

The days turned into months until a year passed and at the age of twelve, Lexa was brought before the Senate who looked at her with such pride that Lexa felt her heart would burst from emotion. These were the ones chosen by their people to lead, two from each of their eight settlements, and they represented all that was good in the Woods Clan. What set them apart from the savagery of the Ice Clan and other nations that held their people under an iron boot and forced their fellow men into slavery. They looked at her with a reverence that Lexa knew she would make it her mission to keep forever in their gaze. 

Priscilla, the chosen Speaker, stood on the floor of the Senate and beamed as her voice rang clearly throughout their halls, "You have met and exceeded the expectations of your people, Heda, but there is more for you to learn and far much more for you to see. We ask you now, would you submit to leaving the capitol and journeying throughout your territory? All the people of the Trigedakru deserve to be in your presence and it would do you good to see them with your own eyes. To learn of the triumphs and the tragedies which face all of our people so we all might learn how best to serve them."

Distantly, she had known this day was coming, Anya had told her as much and Indra had hinted at it. The day when she would be set free to travel her lands and see her people. When she would finally have a chance to prove herself and use the education she had been given. As much as Lexa was nervous at the idea of it, she was thrilled by the possibilities. She would get to see things she only heard of in stories and she would be able to speak with her people, to know them and to have them know her, and as Lexa grew more into the reality of the Commander that was the one thing she held dear. Her people like Anya, Gustus, Indra, all of those left behind in Tondc, and her new friends in the capitol, they gave her strength and inspiration. They were the reason she felt the need to rise herself up and make herself into the Heda they thought she could be and if she met more of them then surely this feeling would only increase.

Which is why Lexa welcomed this idea whole heartedly. So she returned Priscilla's smile and cleared her throat, trying to erase her anxiety and project confidence as she spoke to her Senate, "I will go on this journey and I will see our people myself. I will know them and they will know me. Then I will return to the capitol wiser and more worthy of your trust." Lexa clenched her right hand and thumped her chest, a longtime symbol of a promise kept, as she continued, "I am Heda and I swear I will earn that title." 

The Senate erupted into applause and Lexa dipped her head in acknowledgement, a tiny smile curving on her lips. One that became full blown when she exited the chamber and Anya walked at her side, murmuring low and humorous, "You have become a wordsmith."

"You were the one who said I should expand my mind," Lexa reminded, arching an eyebrow and smirking when Anya released a bark of laughter. 

They spent the next two weeks preparing for Lexa's journey as it was to be no easy or quick task. She would spend the better part of two years traveling throughout the Woods Clan territories, seeing all of their settlements, and looking at the areas in which the Senate thought they should expand. There was talk of creating more villages near Dover, in order to protect the unguarded land between there and Port News, as well as fortifying their defenses around Delphi. Some spoke of forming a village between Alti and Delphi that could help fortify their larger settlements which would soon have bigger populations than even Polis at the rate they were expanding. Hearing this was thrilling to Lexa as Tondc was a relatively small settlement and she never knew they had villages that might surpass Polis in size and the very concept brought such a deep sense of pride to her. These were her people and Lexa could not wait to see them for herself and she eagerly attended planning meetings for her trip when she was not submitting to Anya's training or her tutors.

The day they left, the citizens of Polis gathered at the gates and shouted words of blessing and Lexa sat astride her horse, dressed in her best attire, her clothing dark and heavy on her shoulders, meant to protect her from the elements and any attacks. In her mind, she knew she was a child still but she was determined to come home a true warrior, someone worthy of leading her people. There were moments when she thought it impossible, that she would never be enough, that she couldn't become such a person but then she would look at one of her people. Their belief absolute and shining in their eyes as they looked upon her and suddenly Lexa couldn't bear even the idea of being a failure. She would not be a false Commander, she would give them proof she was meant for this, that she was their intended leader and not an imposter foisted upon them by a cruel trick of fate. Men like her father would not be led to their deaths through folly and madness as the previous Commander had done. Lexa would listen to her Generals, she would learn from them and heed their words, something she had learned her predecessor had failed to do. 

Tondc was the first stop on their travels and it did Lexa's heart good to see her birthplace. Her people greeted her with eagerness and Lexa felt like her former self for a time while she was there. She spoke to her Praetor about the goings on in the village and watched as Anya was welcomed warmly back into the fold with her fellow warriors. They spoke of increasing the number of scouts and look outs, to protect them from the ever present threat of the Mountain Men, and Lexa left her former home after three months, glad to have been there and wishing she could offer them more help. The Mountain was a problem they would have to solve and she said as much to accompanying Generals, watching as their faces turned solemn and dark. Each of them promising to think of ways to end the monsters who continued to prey on their people, transforming them from men into beasts, and slaughtering them by the hundreds.

From there they move onto Ricksburg, Chmon, and finally the fishing metropolis of Port News. There she learns how to sail, fishes for the daily catch, and truly experiences what it is to fear the monsters in the deep. She celebrates her thirteenth birthday with her people and brings down a Razortooth, spearing it with her own hands, laughing and hugging a fearful and wide eyed Gustus who scolded her in his anxiety over losing his charge to its gaping maw. Lexa wishes for more than the four months she spends in the settlement, excitedly telling their Praetor, Isaac, how much she loves the city. He laughs and clasps her shoulders, telling Lexa she is the Commander but now she is also a sea hunter, and she must return to them soon for all their people love her. 

When it is time for her to leave for Dover, the captains of the fleet fight over the honor to take her across the bay, and Lexa beams at them, amused by their agreement that whoever brings in the largest catch will win the right to transport her group. Isaac laughs, full and hearty, over dinner as he says that he only allowed this foolishness because of the extra food it would bring them in the upcoming cold season. Lexa smiles and they discuss the idea of creating a settlement between Port News and Dover. Though there aren't any other tribes in the area, he doesn't like the idea of that expanse of land left open to the Reapers and any other who might wander into their holdings. Lexa studies the maps and finds she agrees with him, sending word to the Senate that their desire for expansion in this region was correct. 

As if they knew about her discussion with Isaac, Reapers attack them the moment they set foot on the open land between the coastline and Dover. This reinforces Lexa's belief they must create a settlement here for the safety of her people in Port News and Dover. It will be hard going but if they gather the heartiest of their people for the task she knows they can make a success of it. Their group is down six soldiers in the attack and Lexa prepares their pallets and burns their bodies as is her duty. These are the first men to die for her and it sits heavy on her heart and it sparks something in her. She already hated the Mountain for stealing her mother and turning their men into beasts but the rage is something deeper and more solid in her now. It is a silent promise she makes only to herself that she will see them destroyed before her time as the Commander is at an end. She does not know how she will achieve this but she will see it done, because while the Mountain continues to exist, there can be no true peace for her people. That is a certainty. 

Dover greets their weary group warmly and they spend three freezing months of winter sheltered in its walls. Pauna are a constant threat and Lexa learns how to hunt the great cats that prey on their people and she hears the constant whispers of the Ice Nation. Their territories are almost as large as the Woods Clan and though they exist far to the north there is talk of their King becoming bolder after learning of the death of the previous Commander. Their scouts are slowly encroaching on the territories surrounding Delphi and Dover fears they might be next. Lexa consults with Roosevelt, the oldest and wisest of their Praetors, who has been at his post for nearly two decades, having served as the Eastern Magistrate before that. He thinks the settlement between Port News and Dover is a necessity but the Ice Nation is a far greater threat than any Reapers and they must fortify their northern defenses if they are to survive. 

Lexa cannot find it in her to argue as she meets with her warriors in Dover and they speak in hushed tones of the brutality of the Ice Nation. Telling her that if you are not slaughtered and left in pieces you would be taken into slavery. Their voices are rough and their eyes hold back tears as they spoke of those trapped in the chains of slavery. How they felt it a crueler fate than to be killed and some clutch to her, falling to their knees, begging their Heda to find a way to free their people. 

"We are Trigedakru, we live free or we die," one of her warriors proclaims heatedly and Lexa nods her agreement.

That is foremost in her mind when she learns they have captured Ice Nation spies on the boundaries of Delphi. Although it is still in the depths of winter and it's not wise to leave the safety of the settlement, Lexa demands they journey north, taking with her seventy five of Dover's finest warriors. She will not allow this threat to pass unnoticed and as they begin the journey, she orders her three Generals, Indra, Quint, and Vera to leave her and head to Delphi with the warriors from Dover. If the Ice Nation is going to attack, they will be of far better use there than at her side. They leave immediately and Lexa also decides to split her personal contingent in half, ignoring Anya's protests, declaring they would serve her by aiding her Generals and her people at risk in the north. Anya curses her stubbornness and Gustus laughs long and loud and Lexa loves them both for staying by her side throughout this. She's half mad with worry and fear as they travel towards Delphi and they are four days from the city when a messenger finds them.

"Heda," she gasped, falling from her horse, her eyes wide and anxious, "the Ice Nation has attacked."

They water the horse and feed its rider, warming her with extra furs as they ask for information. The Ice Nation sent a small war party of no more than two hundred men to Delphi, attempting to breach its defenses just seven days earlier. As soon as their scouts relayed the news, Indra sent the messenger to warn Lexa, in case there were more coming from the west to attack Lexa during her journey. Lexa is grim as she listens to the news and she wants to know how their defenses are holding. The messenger is hopeful, speaking of how their Praetor spent most of the summer increasing their defenses once they spotted the first Ice Nation scouts in their outer territory. Lexa is glad to hear this but anxious to reach Delphi. She doesn't know what help she might provide but it is her duty to be with her people in their times of difficulty. More than that, Lexa wants to stand by their side and offer whatever support she can give them.

For the next three days they travel at a constant pace and Lexa will not allow them to stop until they reach the outer perimeter of Delphi. Once there, she's quickly greeted by Quint, and he speaks of the threat the Ice Nation presents. They remain outside their main gates, but have yet to approach from the east or west, only attacking their northern defenses and he thinks it is a trap. As a result, they've sent scouts in other directions to search for the enemy. The Ice Nation has attacked with catapults and fire and Lexa scowls, hearing of how they've breached their defenses but glad to hear their main wall stays strong.

Lexa is escorted into the city walls and she meets with the Praetor, Keegan, who speaks proudly of their defenses. She talks of the watch towers and their plans to scald the attacking forces, dumping the contents of the large fire pots on the Ice Nation soldiers the moment they get too close to the main gates. The numbers have dwindled from two hundred to less than a hundred due to their warriors and Keegan thanks her for the reinforcements from Dover. When Lexa meets with Indra, the General informs her they have sent word to Alti, and the city is on the lookout for any Ice Nation attacks. Lexa questions about the nearby clan of the Boat People, wanting to know if they would provide any aid if needed. It's then that she learns of how the Ice Nation launched a similar attack on the Boat People over a year ago and how they asked for assistance from the Trigedakru and the previous Commander refused them. They always had an easy alliance with the Boat People but it had since soured as a result and Lexa cursed his idiocy. Indra was silent but she could sense her agreement and Lexa vowed when this was over she would work to repair the alliances ruined by her predecessor's poor decisions. 

The Ice Nation doesn't give up easily and it's as Quint predicts, they are hiding greater forces to the west. Forces they were warned of thanks to riders from Alti who approach with their own contingent of warriors. The Trigedakru arrive in overwhelming numbers from the west and the ninety something warriors of the Ice Nation are overwhelmed by the two hundred which arrive, enraged, through the thickening snow of Alti's stronghold. Lexa refuses to hide behind the walls of Delphi and rides out to meet their enemies with Anya and Gustus at her side, her face darkened by the hood she wears. Her warrior training is not yet complete but she doesn't allow that to keep her from this fight. Her face isn't painted, Anya hasn't granted her that achievement, but Lexa tries to inspire her warriors all the same. She shouts her encouragement and she unsheathes her sword and she cuts down whatever Ice Nation soldiers she can reach with her own hands. Gustus stays by her side and Anya rides ahead, clearing their path, and it is well into the night when their enemies retreat.

They scream their victory to the sky and Lexa knows what it is to be grateful to live. She had never seen a battle like this before and she has never been prouder of her people. Together they return to the safety of Delphi and watch as the last of the Ice Nation soldiers flee and are burned by the arrows of their soldiers on the wall. Inside the city, Lexa retreats to her temporary quarters, sinking onto the bed and Anya keeps the Generals and the Praetor from her, saying she needs her rest. Gustus kneels at her feet, removing her boots, and she stares at him with weary eyes, lost as to what to say. They had defeated their enemy but hundreds of her people were dead. The fires would burn for endless days and nights, sending them onto the next life and Lexa knew she would have to say something to the ones left behind. Something that would comfort or explain why this had occurred and what she would do to stop it from happening again. Revenge was the furthest thing from her mind. No, they had to fortify their defenses first, and recover their warriors best they could. 

"Emo gonplei ste odon," said Gustus softly. "They fought bravely and now their spirits are free. You were at their side and they saw you, I know it brought them the same pride and peace that it did myself. There is nothing more you can do for them."

"Gustus," said Lexa, her voice a rasp and her eyes wet with unshed tears, "my predecessor. Did you know him?"

"Yes, Heda," said Gustus, his jaw clenched and his eyes dark. "I fought in many of his wars. Myself and all of my siblings. Only Johan and I survived. Gerard, Titus, and Aura were lost to his battles." He pulled the socks from her feet and gazed up at her with lidded eyes. "Why do you ask this?"

"The more I learn of him, the more his mistakes become clear," said Lexa simply. "I do not wish to repeat them. You would tell me if I did, wouldn't you?" 

There is just a moment of silence and then Gustus is scooting forward and this giant of a man suddenly seems like a little boy in front of her. Lexa is just days from her fourteenth birthday but in this moment she feels very much like the mother and Gustus is her son. "Heda," he breathed, his voice full of reverence as he held her hands. "I knew nothing of the Commander's spirit under his reign but I have known nothing but during my time with you. I swear I will tell you if such a thing was ever to occur but I cannot see it happening. You care for your people, I have seen it with my own eyes, and that is why I will serve you always, until the end of my days." He lowered his head after saying this and Lexa touched his hair, stroking it gently and suddenly she felt at peace.

"Leave me, Gustus," said Lexa in a whisper, offering a wan smile as he looked up at her. "We both need rest, for our fight is not over."

"Yes, Heda," Gustus replied, returning her smile and leaving her quarters with a quiet click of the door. 

Alone now, Lexa collapses on the bed, and blows out the nearby candle, allowing herself to sink into an uneasy sleep. She will wake with the dawn, meet with her Generals and the Praetor, and prepare for any future attacks from the Ice Nation. They will not take her city and slaughter her people. If this was a test of the new Commander, Lexa is determined to send the Ice King a message. She will not seek war blindly as the former Commander had done but she will not let her people be killed and kidnapped into slavery. The Woods Clan is the largest and the greatest of the twelve clans and Lexa will see them grow ever greater in both their number and in their victories. Whether they be victories in war or improving the lives of her citizens, all held equal importance in her eyes.

Two months pass before Lexa is ready to leave Delphi. In that time they fought off another attack from the Ice Nation and manage to gather intelligence on the invading forces. They weren't a true army, merely a smaller force sent to test Lexa's meddle as the Commander. Though she had suspected as much, some part of her is glad to have this confirmed. If he wanted to know her strength, Lexa gave her answer by returning the charred body of his General, dragged on on a pallet by the lone Ice Nation soldier that she allowed to live. 

Telling him to deliver this message to his King: _The Trigedakru will suffer no invaders._

With those words, Lexa finishes the last leg of her journey, and arrives in Alti, met by cheers from her people and an hearty handshake from the city Praetor, Connor, whom she thanks warmly for his help in the battles at Delphi. She tells him of the plans she's begun with Keegan to create a settlement between the two cities, one which will serve as both a lookout post and an army base. Connor is jubilant at the idea and declares that he will begin recruiting citizens to help form the new settlement immediately. Lexa is pleased by his enthusiasm and tells him of the Praetor she has chosen to lead the future village, saying that she will be along shortly, perhaps within the month to speak with him further. 

Her birthday passes without mention and with it, Lexa realizes she has been traveling for two years. When she started this tour of their territory, she could hardly comprehend being the Commander and now she feels almost as if it is second nature. Her lessons have continued and they aren't the tortures she once recalled. Instead they have become a comfort, something that brings normalcy to her day, and Lexa is looking forward to learning the ways of the Horse Clan as she has learned all she can of the Boat People. Their former allies weigh heavy on her mind and Lexa knows the moment she steps foot in the capitol she must meet with the Senate to talk about rebuilding their alliances. They will have no true peace until they can live side by side with all twelve clans. Including the Ice Nation, as impossible as that seems. 

Two months pass and it is springtime when they finally return to Polis. After all her travels, Lexa has come to view the capitol as her home, and she welcomes its embrace. Gustus is ecstatic to be back and even Anya seems pleased that their journey has come to an end. They are met by the clergy and Lexa sees the approval shining on their faces and it's startling to recognize this. Just as startling as their proclamation that she has earned the tattoo that marks her as their holy leader. Lexa is stunned and can only dip her head low in acknowledgement, thanking them for their faith and support. Her tattoo takes precedence over everything else and Lexa spends the first two days of her return in session with the Shamans, completing her markings and speaking with them about her travels. On the third day, she meets with her advisors and talks about the settlement she wants to create between Delphi and Alti, the threat of the Ice Nation, and her desire to reclaim their alliances of old. Indra agrees with her many of her thoughts, saying they are wise, as does Quint. 

There is so much to do and Lexa is eager to begin work but she's informed a celebration is going to be held in her honor. The games she was told so much about would be commencing for a special event. The best gladiators the games have seen, both current and retired, are going to fight in the coliseum in her honor and Lexa cannot help but be excited. Gustus is thrilled to announce that Johan's star pupil and one of the most popular fighters the games has ever seen will be returning to the competition solely for Lexa's enjoyment.

"She retired to serve in the Senate just this year," Gustus announced, his voice loud and boisterous, and Lexa smiled, looking back at him. They were being escorted to their seats in the coliseum. Which were closest to the field and offered the greatest view. Anya smirked at Lexa's side, rolling her eyes at Gustus, whom she had come to regard as a brother during the two years they spent together on the road. "But she is still one of our fiercest competitors, Heda. I'm sure she will win this day!" 

"I look forward to seeing her fight," said Lexa warmly, affection and amusement lacing her voice as she took her seat. 

Gustus sat eagerly next to her while Anya was more relaxed, leaning forward and resting her elbows on her knees as she looked at the fighting floor. The grass was green and thick on the field and the gladiators were hidden in the tunnels on the sides of the coliseum. Several minutes passed before Erwan, the Praetor of Polis, entered to loud applause and he waved his hands for silence. He spoke at length about the recent battle with the Ice Nation and when she was mentioned, Lexa rose to her feet and was met by thunderous applause which she remained standing for, only sitting when her people were quiet once again. Then the gladiators were announced and one by one, they ran out onto the field and Gustus leaned closer, telling her their strengths and weaknesses. They were halfway through the roster when the crowd roared its approval the loudest yet and Gustus formed a wide grin on his features. 

"Costia!" declared Gustus happily, pointing at the lanky warrior who ran onto the field. "My brother's Second! She will surely be victorious."

Lexa frowned and leaned forward, adapting Anya's pose as she studied Costia. She was tall and her skin dark brown with a beautiful bronze glow, as if she was blessed by the sun itself, with a head of curly black hair. "How old is she, Gustus?" asked Lexa, not wanting to be skeptical but thinking she looked the youngest out of all the warriors in the competition. Something that might not be to her advantage. 

"Nineteen years. Which makes her Anya's junior by two," said Gustus proudly. He raised an eyebrow and grinned at the deadpan look Anya gave him at her name being mentioned. "And you know how deadly your First is, so you should not judge Costia to be any lesser, Heda."

"She is a Senator," said Lexa, already curious to know more, watching as Costia laughed with her fellow gladiators.

"She is loved by the people," said Gustus and Lexa was instantly reminded of the loud roar of applause that greeted the woman when she ran out onto the field, "almost as much as yourself." 

No reply came from Lexa, she simply kept her gaze focused on the field, watching the woman in question. Then Erwan announced the first fight and soon Lexa was focused on the field of battle. The tournament was set through ten rounds total, with the twelve gladiators fighting six individual rounds until a winner is selected from each, then six fighting for three more rounds, until the final three are selected for the winning match. The fights are fast paced and Lexa finds herself on the edge of her seat for almost all of them. When Costia's match is announced the crowd roars to life, louder and more enthusiastic in their cheers, and Lexa cannot help but root for her as she faces off against her much larger opponent. 

Their fight is perhaps the shortest yet as Costia uses his strength against him and quickly disarms and renders him unconscious with the butt of his own axe, slinging it over her shoulder with a broad smile as the crowd screams their approval. She might be a Senator but she is still a warrior and Lexa is thrilled by her victory. Something that doesn't go away as she watches Costia win in the second round of fights and continue onto the final match where she fights two men who far exceed her in age and size. Lexa watches with her heart in her throat and she shouts her approval for Costia's possible victory and moans when it seems she might face defeat. It is only when the match is at an end and both men are sprawled, defeated on the field does Lexa relax and shout her relief, calling Costia's name, only to find herself silenced by the warrior's dark and friendly gaze landing on her as she flashes Lexa an easy smile. 

Lexa's attention remains on Costia as Erwan congratulates her and Gustus claps loudly at her side. When all the gladiators leave the field after receiving the thanks and the appreciation of the audience, Lexa rises to her feet and meets Gustus' smiling face. "Did you enjoy it, Heda?" he questioned happily.

"It was truly a spectacle, just as you said," said Lexa, smiling and feeling altogether entertained by his eagerness. 

"They fought twice as hard due to your presence, I'm certain," Gustus declared heartily, moving to protect her as they prepared to exit the coliseum.

"Then I will have to thank them all personally at the upcoming feast," said Lexa firmly, holding back a laugh at the delighted expression Gustus wore on hearing this. All while dark eyes and a knowing smile painted a beautiful picture in her mind, making Lexa suddenly look forward to the next few hours.


	2. Chapter 2

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thanks for the patience and your comments! I appreciate it. Enjoy.

The feast is a grand and glorious occasion, worthy of the Commander. Or at least that’s what Lexa supposes as she takes in the roasted pigs, lamb, and side of beef that is laid out. There are even offerings of fish and seafood from their local fishermen as well as some of the catch from Port News. Vegetables of every shape and color are served along with an impressively large dessert table filled with treats Lexa could have never imagined in Tondc. 

She’s allowed to choose her food only after Gustus has gone through it all and Lexa thinks he enjoys his tasting duties as her bodyguard a bit too much at times. They sit down to enjoy the feast and Lexa observes more than participates in the conversation. Wanting to know more of the personalities of her Senators and Magistrates in this social setting. A conversation only begins when she gives into temptation and heads over to the dessert table.

“Try the chocolate cake,” a lilting and humorous voice sounds in her ear and Lexa jerks her head upward to gaze into Costia’s smiling eyes. The Senator has a small smile quirked on her lips and she nods at a rather simple looking cake that is dark brown. “The beans that produce chocolate aren’t found in our territory. We can only get them through trade with the Boat People. It’s grown in their southern territories when the weather permits. The plant is sensitive to cold and makes it hard to maintain but the Boat People always fight to keep their crops alive. You should taste it for yourself and see why it’s so prized.”

Lexa wants to respond, she wants to be charming and clever but she finds that she can’t. Not with those shining eyes and lovely features directed towards her. She’s quite flummoxed and she knows Costia must be aware of this from the slight chuckle the woman gives her. “Forgive me, Heda,” she murmured, her smile wider and brighter as she holds out her hand. “I am Costia. Junior Senator from Polis. It is a great honor to meet you.”

“No! The honor is mine,” said Lexa finally, accepting Costia’s hand and shaking it firmly. “I wanted to congratulate you on your victory in the arena. It was impressive.”

“I’m pleased you think so,” said Costia warmly. She paused and made a gesture of looking around the gathering before leaning closer as she continued, “I think it was sloppy myself. If I had kept up with my training regime it would have ended ten minutes sooner.”

Silently, Lexa did the math, and then she blinked and responded, “A three minute match?”

Costia flashed that winning smile once again and laughed. “I suppose that wouldn’t have been entertaining. Perhaps it’s for the best that I’ve become a boring politician,” she drawled.

“I don’t think you could ever be boring,” Lexa said before she could think better of it. With these words, Costia’s smile became almost luminescent and Lexa wondered if it she could ever become blinded by someone’s beauty. It was an utterly ridiculous thought that made Lexa realize she really should escape this conversation. She cleared her throat and straightened her shoulders, attempting to raise herself up to her full height, trying to feel more like the Commander she’s meant to be rather than the adolescent she actually is. Focusing her gaze on the eager attendant by the dessert table, she said to him, “I will try a piece of the chocolate cake.” Unable to help herself, her gaze fell on Costia as she continued, “At the Senator’s recommendation.” 

He rushed away quickly, excited to serve the Commander, and Lexa was struck by his trembling hands and jittery expression. Costia shifts closer and Lexa blinks, looking up at her and the Senator has a soft almost knowing look in her eyes. “It creates a distance, doesn’t it?” she questioned and Lexa doesn’t reply, not sure if what she thinks is what Costia is truly referring to in this instance. “The people love you but sometimes it feels as if they love idea of you more. The title and not the person. I felt as much when I was champion of the games.”

“I am the Commander,” said Lexa, repeating this as if by rote, having hammered the reality of it into her mind during her two years of travel. “That is who I must be.”

“Yes,” Costia agreed, “but not always. Not when you’re alone or with loved ones. At least allow yourself that much respite, Heda.”

Surprised at the concern in Costia’s tone, Lexa nodded and couldn’t help the smile formed when Costia beamed at her in response. Then the attendant came rushing over with a huge slice of cake that Lexa boggled at. Costia laughed and Lexa thought it sounded like the chime of bells and much like before, she was speaking before she could help herself. “Would you like to share with me?” Lexa asked, already cursing herself for the question.

“I am at your service, Heda,” said Costia cheerfully, grabbing a nearby fork. “Especially in this.”

Call me Lexa. That is what Lexa wants to say but she doesn’t. She keeps it silent, hidden away, as she knows it isn’t appropriate. Not even Gustus calls her by her given name and he has been her constant companion for over three years. Only Anya, who has known Lexa since her day of birth speaks her name regularly, and Lexa finds she misses hearing it on someone’s tongue. She wonders if it is because of what Costia said earlier. About people loving the title instead of the person. Certainly it feels like she has become nothing more than the Commander in many peoples eyes. It even felt that way when she returned to Tondc. 

They sit at an empty table and Lexa puts the plate carefully between them, pushing her fork into the dessert and studying it for a long moment before taking a bite. It’s rich and sweet and tastes so delicious that Lexa instantly knows why they trade the Boat People for the beans it’s made from. Her gaze lifts to meet Costia’s who laughs again then leans forward to say in playful tones, “It tastes even better when it’s made into bars.” Lexa is already taking another, much larger, bite of the cake when Costia says this. Her curiosity gets the best of her and she looks over at the dessert table to see if they have any said bars available. Her disappointment must be visible because when she sees none as Costia immediately offered, “They make them at a small shop in the city square. I will bring you one before our meeting tomorrow.”

“You don’t have to,” Lexa flushed, her cheeks growing hot. “I can ask Gustus.”

“I don’t have to,” Costia agreed, smiling and leaning her elbows on the table, “but I want to. Besides, it will give us something else to talk about other than politics. Which is a blessing.”

A genuine desire to know more about Costia gets the best of Lexa and she finds herself saying, “That is the second time you’ve spoken ill of politics. You don’t enjoy your work?”

“No, I do,” said Costia, shaking her head and seeming a bit disconcerted. “I just don’t know when to shut my mouth. I make too many careless jokes that bely my true thoughts. Serving on the Senate is a point of pride and I am grateful to have been chosen by our people. The process is a good one but the speed in which it moves is not always the fastest and I suppose I express my irritation with such things by making jokes. I apologize, Heda.”

“Don’t apologize,” Lexa instructed and she swallowed, staring at the dessert for a long moment before looking up at Costia and offering a small smile. “I understand your reasoning. And,” she paused and cleared her throat, adjusting her posture and hoping she is projecting a Commander like atmosphere. “I like it. No one makes jokes around me anymore. I think they are afraid to.”

“Ahhh,” said Costia knowingly, a teasing smile appearing on her features. She leans in closer and nods her head at Anya and Gustus. “They don’t look like the joking types.”

“Anya, never,” Lexa replied, amused by the thought of Anya making jokes. Her First had countless skills but anything resembling humor wasn’t among them. “Gustus, perhaps, if he wasn’t so concerned with being respectful. Though his nature is good humored.”

“That must be a relief,” said Costia. She wore a thoughtful expression, elaborating when Lexa looked at her curiously. “You spend most of your day with him since he’s your bodyguard, isn’t that right? If he had a foul disposition it would certainly make things unpleasant.”

“I never considered it,” said Lexa honestly, suddenly feeling altogether grateful for Gustus’ gregarious personality. She loved Anya, always and dearly, but her First had very little use for conversation and words. Gustus indulged Lexa’s need for socialization and she hadn’t really appreciated that until now. Looking back to Costia, she smiled softly, her voice laced with sincerity, “Thank you for helping me realize this.” 

“It was nothing, Heda, truly--” Costia began and she seemed almost flustered, her brown skin flushing a darker hue. Somehow Lexa found this even more attractive than the charm and wit Costia had exhibited earlier. 

“It wasn’t nothing, not to me,” said Lexa firmly, reaching for Costia’s hand and squeezing it softly. “If I’ve learned one thing from my studies it’s to recognize wisdom. Even in those who might not see it in themselves.” 

A moment of silence and then Costia’s smile returned, this time it was shy and gentle, something that clung to her lovely features. “Then you are already wiser than those three times your elder,” she murmured. “The Senate will benefit greatly from you presence.”

“I hope so,” said Lexa, already feeling a little skeptical. From what she saw and heard, the Senate worked fairly well on its own and Indra suggested some in it might not be keen to give power back to the Commander. Though they had little choice from what was written in the bylaws of their tribe. The Senate spoke for the people, yes, and they were their voice and they did have influence but the ultimate decision lay with the Commander. But the strength of the Commander came from the people and the Senate was their voice. There lay the conundrum of their tribe for many outsiders. “And you’re wrong,” Lexa continued, a smirk tugging on her lips at the startled expression Costia wore on hearing this. “My spirit has been alive for untold centuries, remember? That makes me older than anyone.”

Costia’s response was to laugh, long and loud. It was infectious and Lexa found herself chuckling, taking pleasure Costia’s reaction, totally unaware of all the eyes focused on them. 

Much later, when the feast is over and Lexa has returned to the Government House, Anya stands silently in Lexa’s quarters, simply observing. Lexa sinks into a chair and removes her boots, knowing her First has something to tell her and waiting patiently to hear what it is.

“Do not trust pretty faces and charming words, Lexa,” said Anya almost sternly, as if this was the beginnings of a lecture. “They are the ones who have agendas. Especially in the capitol.”

A frown tugging at her features, Lexa tossed her boot to the floor and studied Anya. “You’re speaking of Costia,” she said slowly. “What do you know?” 

“She is beloved in Polis and that isn’t achieved here without having ambition. Just know when she’s laughing and smiling with you, she wants something from the Commander, and that could be her way of achieving it,” said Anya, very matter of fact. 

Something in Lexa wants to protest this opinion, to say to Anya that she’s never spoken with Costia, that she doesn’t know her, but neither does Lexa and she cannot say Anya is wrong in this anymore than she can say that she’s right. The only way to truly know the truth is to speak to Costia more, to get to know the other woman, and Lexa couldn’t deny that appealed to her.  

Anya was saying this out of concern and care, Lexa knew this all too well, and so she dipped her head in respect and Anya’s eyes narrowed. Her First could see she heard her words and recognized their wisdom but something in Lexa knew Anya was aware her interest in Costia wouldn’t go away from hearing these things. Which was probably why Anya huffed irritably and sharply turned on her heel to exit Lexa’s quarters, the door shutting forcefully behind her. 

Lexa sighed and returned to disrobing, trying to quiet her troubled thoughts. It wasn’t like she was ignoring Anya’s advice. She heard her warnings and she would watch for the things that her First spoke of but she couldn’t bring herself to dismiss Costia because of whisperings in the capitol. There was always gossip and rumors being spread in these walls and it was the one thing that Lexa truly despised about this place. She would know Costia for herself, find out the truth of this woman, just as she would anyone else. That was the right thing to do.

Though Lexa knew, as surely as Anya did, it wasn’t just logic behind her reasoning. It was also a bright smile, musical laugh, and shining eyes. Something that could be altogether dangerous in the possession of the wrong person. 

\---

The next day, Lexa doesn't see Costia before she goes to meet with the Senate and she thinks perhaps she has forgotten about her. Then she arrives at the State House with Anya and Gustus by her side and sees a neatly wrapped bar sitting at her long wooden podium. Lexa's eyes immediately search the chamber for Costia and she finds her chatting with the Senate Speaker, Priscilla, who represents Port News. As if sensing Lexa's gaze upon her, Costia turns her way and flashes that impossibly wide smile that Lexa cannot help but return in even the smallest manner. Anya snorts at her side and Gustus reaches for the bar, pealing back the simple wrapping to break off a small bite. Lexa is amused by the grave look on his features before he hands the bar over to her, leaning down to murmur in overly serious tones, "I think they have found a treat that is worthy of you, Heda."

"I'm glad you approve, Gustus," said Lexa, a smile still tugging at her lips as she moves behind the podium and watches her Senators hurriedly shuffle into place. 

It's a much different reaction than she got just two years ago and Lexa thinks this must be the result of her travels. She was aware that Indra and the others were reporting her progress back to the Senate but what they were told and their opinions of her remained a mystery. It seemed, somehow, she had met with their approval, just as she had with the Clergy, and Lexa couldn't describe the relief that granted her. The idea of fighting her own elected leaders as well as any outside forces was too exhausting to contemplate. Lexa wanted to work with them to create a better and safer world for their people to not only exist but someday thrive in. She found the idea of doing that alone not only daunting but also implausible. 

The meeting is long and not as productive as Lexa hoped. Senators from Delphi and Alti are enthusiastic about her idea for creating a settlement between the two cities but they’re alone. All of the other Senators have differing ideas about where their expansion should be focused and Lexa finds support in Costia and Priscilla alone, who speak of the larger picture for their people. Saying that it’s important as Senators that they represent the needs of the settlements who elected them but they shouldn’t do it to the point that it will be detrimental to the Woods Clan as a whole. 

In the end, Lexa grudgingly gained approval to create the new settlement and she doesn’t know how much of a victory she really considers this as she planned on doing it no matter what. Anya had hammered it over and over in her head that she must work with the Senate, that it was better to have them with her than against her, but they didn’t see what she did. They hadn’t seen the brutality of the Ice Nation and spoken to warriors traumatized by their encounters with them. It was them that Lexa held in her mind as she argued her position about the new settlement and in the back of her mind, she kept well in mind that her Generals agreed with this decision. 

The Senate was the voice of their people, the Clergy their conscience, and the Generals their might. Having the support of all three was ideal but if she had just one it was enough for Lexa to feel somewhat satisfied. 

Lexa’s exhausted and weary when they finish for the day, the sun is hanging low in the sky, shining out over the water of the harbor in the distance. She’s still admiring the view when a knock sounds on her door. Not bothering to turn around, thinking it was Gustus returning or perhaps Anya or Indra, Lexa said, “Come in.”

“Did you enjoy the chocolate bar?” Costia’s charming drawl sounded in the air and upon hearing it, Lexa felt as if she was jumping inside her own skin.

Looking over her shoulder, hoping beyond hope that she was presenting a very Commander like atmosphere, Lexa replied, “Gustus and I enjoyed it very much.”

“Gustus?” asked Costia, moving further into the room.

“He tastes all my food for poison,” supplied Lexa, linking her hands behind her back and straightening her stance. Anya often did this and Lexa found it presented a very dignified appearance. One that she would do well to emulate as the Commander.

“I see,” said Costia and she walked closer, standing at Lexa’s side. Looking out the window, she took in the same view of the harbor that Lexa had been admiring earlier. Costia tilted her head to one side and observed Lexa with a thoughtful gaze. “When you were first discovered, the Senate kept you from the public for a very long time, didn’t they?”

“Yes, they said it was for my own safety,” Lexa said with a frown, wondering where this was going and why Costia was bringing it up now.

“It’s difficult, isn’t it? When someone else’s will is imposed on you,” said Costia simply. Her attention remained on the harbor and her expression took on a remote quality that left Lexa with a tight feeling in her chest. Turning back to Lexa, she offered a slight smile. “Freedom is all one wants in a situation like that.” Lexa blinked and she opened her mouth to reply, what she would say she had no idea, when Costia continued, “Has Gustus spoke of his brother, Johan, to you?”

“He was a competitor in the games and is now Captain of the City Guard,” said Lexa immediately. She was feeling altogether perplexed about the direction of this conversation but for some reason she wasn’t ill at ease with it. There was something inherently comforting about Costia’s presence. “I believe he was your First as well?” 

“Johan cared for me as if I was his own,” said Costia. As if sensing Lexa’s confusion about the direction of this conversation, she laughed and shook her head. “Forgive me, Heda,” she apologized, “I’m digressing.” She cleared her throat then dipped her head, a playful expression on her features as she asked, “Would you like to escape this place and go fishing?” 

“Fishing?” echoed Lexa, blinking and feeling more than a little lost.

“Johan invited me and I thought you might like to accompany us,” said Costia in response. “Along with Gustus, of course,” and there was a warmth in her eyes, a kindness, that told Lexa this was as much about Gustus spending time with his brother as it was about herself. “Besides, Priscilla tells me her Praetor, Isaac, has gushed about your talent at sea. A natural hunter, he called you.” Lexa shifted at this, her cheeks hot and all she could do was nod awkwardly. 

No reply came from Costia, just another bright smile, and a joyful expression. One that Lexa thought she would never tire of seeing. 

\---

Johan is a giant of a man, equal to Gustus in every way, and is just as gregarious as his younger brother. He has smiling green eyes that remind Lexa of her mother’s and his laughter is loud and boisterous. The sound of it is desperately familiar and it’s only when Costia laughs along with him does Lexa realize it reminds her of the older woman. It makes a sort of sense though, if Costia was Johan’s Second then she certainly would take on similar traits. All too often she was called Anya’s shadow as she sought to imitate her First in everything. Especially after her mother’s death, when Anya was the one constant left in her life.

They arrange themselves on the edge of the dock, feet hanging down over the water, which is too shallow for any of the great monsters of the deep to lurk, and cast their reels. Gustus sits to her left, his attention drifting between Lexa and Johan, while Costia sits to her right. Costia takes three times before she successfully casts her reel and seeing the quiet amusement in Lexa’s eyes, she confesses she doesn’t fish that often. 

“Neither did I,” said Lexa quietly. Costia gives her a curious and encouraging look and Lexa elaborates, “In Tondc we are land locked. There are streams and a river but we rarely looked for our meals there. Hunting in the forest or farming is preferred but I knew of our sea hunters in Polis and Port News. My father told me stories when I was small. Ones that terrified me until I was able to witness the sea for myself.” Lexa looked out at the vast water, her eyes falling on one of their large fishing cargos coming into the harbor. “There’s a peacefulness in how it seems to go on forever. It gives you a feeling of a world that is much larger than we know.” 

“You were frightened until you hunted the monsters for yourself,” said Costia, a smile curving on her lips. “Shouldn’t that go in the opposite order?”

Lexa could feel a blush tingeing her cheeks and she looked away from Costia quickly, focusing on the ocean once again. “A child can create all sorts of terrors in their mind,” Lexa said wryly. “I still fear the monsters in the deep but it isn’t overwhelming. It merely lurks beneath the surface, just as they do. Keeping me alert while I remain on their waters.”

“The same as in a battle,” said Costia knowingly. Lexa’s eyes went large, thinking of her own brief experience on the battlefield against the Ice Nation in Delphi.

As soon as the memory seizes her, Lexa forces it to leave. She doesn’t want to think of sad and terrible threats to her people now. Not when the day is warm and the air is sweet and Gustus is by her side, laughing happily and sharing stories with his brother. Looking at Costia who is trying to bring her line in, Lexa can’t help the grin she forms on witnessing her ineptitude in this area. It was strangely charming as Costia, thus far, presented an air of utter competence. 

“Do you need help?” asked Lexa, gentle humor clinging to her words.

Brown eyes narrow at her and Lexa wonders if she’s angered the older woman but Costia is soon wearing an exasperated expression as she hands the fishing rod over to Lexa. “Please, Heda,” she replied, her eyes sparkling. “I would appreciate it.”

Hearing her title from Gustus and her warriors was a galvanizing feeling. It brought her a deep sense of pride, helping Lexa recognize her role in the Woods Clan, and what she meant to all her people. Anya was the one person who used her given name regularly and it was something Lexa clung to. That sense of normalcy, that she wasn’t just the Commander, she still had pieces of who she once was. The girl who was born and raised in Tondc that wanted nothing more than to be a warrior and help protect her village. When Costia used her title though… it was different than the way everyone else said it. There were shades of Anya in Costia’s inflection, a warmth and intimacy, and it gave Lexa that same comforting feeling of normalcy. That while Costia used her title, she saw beyond it, to who Lexa really was.

Or maybe she was just imagining and wishing.

Costia was attractive and charming, just as Anya said, and Lexa wasn’t immune to such things. She had always preferred girls to boys, for as long as she could remember, and in Port News a few girls had caught her eye. Although Lexa couldn’t be sure if it was her they liked or the idea of her. The mystique that the Commander presented, although Lexa was still baffled to be considered such a person. She frankly doubted that was actually true.

It didn’t matter. Costia was older, closer to Anya’s age than her own, and she conducted herself naturally in a way that Lexa had to work in order to create. Commander or no, there was a gap between them, one that Lexa didn’t know if she could bridge. Anya had told her from the start of all this to not trust easily and she kept that ever present in her mind as people complimented and deferred to her. That they could say one thing and think another. Nothing was certain. 

But as she took in Costia’s bright smile and enjoyed the lilt in her voice as she questioned Lexa about the proper way to bring in your line, Lexa knew she wanted to trust her. 

She wanted it very badly. 

\---

Meetings become a part of Lexa’s existence. They are constant and as soon as one ends another inevitably begins. Through the tedium, Lexa finds solace in the good she knows she is doing for her people, and soon traditions start to form. She meets with the Senate three times a week and after each meeting, she retires to her office in the State House where a knock will soon sound on her door. Costia will then appear before her, a smile on her face, always with plans for a brief escape.

Sometimes they journey into the city square, eating at the various restaurants, with Gustus at their side. Other days they retreat to the dock, feet hanging over the water, gazing out at it and the sun hot on their skin. More and more though, they remain where they are. Inside Lexa’s office, where a measure of privacy is given to them, with Costia bringing Lexa’s lunch to her.

It is on one such day that Lexa is regaling Costia about the height of the trees surrounding Tondc and how she learned to scale them. Costia’s face is attentive and curious and Lexa cannot help herself as she questions, “You’ve never climbed trees? You are Trigedakru.” 

Costia’s expression stills and Lexa could kick herself because there is a sadness there, something small and hidden, that Lexa would wish away if she could. “Yes, Heda,” she breathed more than said the words, “I am. I still have never learned. In fact, Polis is all I have seen of the Woods Clan territories. Although I would like to change that someday.”

“You should come with me, the next time I visit the settlements,” Lexa finds herself saying. When Costia’s eyes fly up to meet hers, Lexa swallows the lump that suddenly appears in her throat. “I imagine there will be some sort of delegation formed for the occasion.” 

“Yes,” Costia echoed, a smile tugging at her lips. “I imagine so. I would like to see Port News for myself. You and Priscilla speak so highly of it.” 

“It is a beautiful place,” said Lexa, almost reverently as she thought of the city. “The people there are hardworking, as all are in our tribe, but they are good humored.”

“It’s fun there,” Costia interpreted, a hint of mischief in her eyes, and a smile curving on her lips. She clucked her tongue and rocked her chair to rest on its back legs, “Be careful, Heda, you must be serious at all times. Haven’t you heard this?”

A chuckle escaped Lexa and she shook her head then replied, “You should leave me then. I’m rarely serious in your company. You are destroying my image.”

"I will leave, if Heda truly asks it of me," said Costia, quirking an eyebrow and waiting expectantly.

"You know I would not ask that," said Lexa as she leaned back in her chair. That was the truth of the matter. The more time she spent with Costia, the more she got to know her, the less Lexa wanted to send this woman away. Anya's voice was ever present in Lexa's mind, telling her to be cautious, to not trust easily, and Lexa was always aware as Anya would have her be but the more she saw of Costia the more trust she had in her. It wasn't just a pretty face and charming words that Costia possessed but also an intelligent mind a caring heart. She saw this in how she thought of not just the people of Polis but of all citizens of the Woods Clan when she spoke in Senate. Studying Costia's kind smile and dark eyes, always so full of life, Lexa stood abruptly and grinned as Costia stumbled to rise just as quickly, not wanting to be rude and remain sitting in the presence of the Commander. "Come," said Lexa imperiously, trying her best to mimic the tone Anya often got with her. "I will teach you."

"Teach me what?" asked Costia almost anxiously. She watched as Lexa went through her things, tossing some belongings into a small knapsack and hurrying after Lexa as she went out the door. 

"What every Trigedakru should know," said Lexa, tossing a look over her shoulder, "how to climb trees." 

Gustus subtly joins their side but walks a good distance behind them, giving the women a measure of privacy, for which Lexa was grateful. As she spent increasing time with Costia, she longed for the days of old. Days when she wasn't the Commander and she come and go as she pleased. Well, within certain reason. Back then she only had her mother and then Anya to answer to and now it seemed she answered to the entire Woods Clan. Lexa was not foolish, she knew why that was and she wouldn't shirk her duties nor ignore her responsibilities, but often she longed for something all her own. It was only when she was alone with her thoughts that Lexa felt any measure of relaxation because there were no judgments or pressures upon her then. No eyes looking to her with such hope and expectation that it stilled Lexa's heart and made her fear betraying their faith in her. To have so many lives resting upon her was a massive responsibility and it often left Lexa feeling trapped. 

There were moments of respite though. Gustus and Anya granted her that and now there was Costia... Costia with her bright eyes, wide smile, and easy laughter who was looking nervously up at the trees in the distance and wringing her hands. Studying this with a tilt of her head, Lexa wondered about it and said gently, "This is not a command from your Heda." Costia looked to Lexa, appearing startled and her hands immediately parted, she once again presented an image of total composure. "I will not have you do something which makes you uncomfortable, Costia. You may refuse this lesson if you wish it. I will press you no further on the matter."

"No! I want to learn. I've always admired our warriors abilities to scale the great trees," said Costia and she paused for a moment. Her jaw tightened and she clenched her hands into fists and relaxed them several times before appearing to come to an internal decision. "I came to the Trigedakru as an orphan when I was a child. Johan raised me as his own, trained me to be a champion of the games and a warrior. Everything good in my life has been because I was able to join our people but sometimes I still feel as if I don't belong." They were in the woods now and she rested her hand on the trunk of one of the largest trees, gazing up at its impressive branches with a veiled gaze. "Never learning to climb is part of that I imagine."

Seeing this composed women doubting herself triggered something deep and powerful in Lexa. Something that made her want to gather Costia in her arms and protect her from these feelings and anything that would ever cause them in her. She nearly did that but when she reached for Costia's hand and saw her brown eyes go wide, Lexa stopped herself. They were political allies, comrades of a sort, and they were becoming friends but this feeling Costia gave her... it was unknown and untamed and frightening. Enough that Lexa forced it down and gave a small smile, trying to bury it as she said, "Never doubt your place among us."

"Yes," Costia said this shakily, releasing a whoosh of breath and offering Lexa a smile. "Thank you," she murmured, her voice low and thick with emotion and then she smiled again. That reckless and wild release of emotion, laughing a little as she swung Lexa's hands to and fro. "Will you teach me how to climb now?" 

Straightening herself up, trying to look every inch the Commander, Lexa nodded. "Yes," she said seriously, though a smile tugged on her lips at Costia's excitement. "You are Trigedakru, after all."

"I am," agreed Costia happily, her expression filled with pride. 

\---

They spent over six hours in the woods and it was slow going at first. Costia was wary of heights and unsure about using the metal food holds which helped their warriors scale with greater ease. Lexa was by her side, teaching as Anya once did for her, although with much softer and encouraging words and it was by the third hour that Costia reached a breakthrough. Suddenly they were climbing to the tallest heights and she was laughing happily, her feet moving faster and with every tree they scaled she grew more confident in her technique. At the end of the six hours, they sat on a wide branch of one of the oldest trees in the woods and looked out at the bay, gazing at the setting sun. 

"This tree is like one back home," said Lexa wistfully, gazing at its branches and leaves, leaning against the trunk. "When my mother scolded me or Anya lectured me I would climb it and hide in its branches. I felt safe there, like nothing could touch me." Lowering her gaze, suddenly aware of what she had just confessed, Lexa felt her cheeks grow hot and mumbled, "I know it's silly."

"I had a cave," revealed Costia, bumping shoulders with Lexa who looked at her with wide eyes. "It was small enough that I was the only one who could fit inside it and no one knew of it but me. I remember its walls well, glittering with sparkling crystals, and there was the sound of running of water from the deep. Sometimes I dreamed of going down so far that no one would ever find me." She smiled reassuringly at Lexa and murmured, "All children have these thoughts." When Lexa returned her smile, Costia asked, "What was your tree like?"

"Great and grand," said Lexa, her gaze far away as she thought of it, "with branches wider than this one. I could sleep on any of them and it smells sweet. In the upper branches there is a large nest belonging to a family of falcons. They were wary of me at first but they never attacked. I made friends with them by bringing them small kills... squirrels or sometimes rabbits. Their babies are very cute when they're small but they grow quickly." 

"You had pet falcons," said Costia teasingly, her eyes sparkling.

"They weren't pets," Lexa protested, shaking her head. "We were neighbors, that's all." 

"Pet falcons," Costia repeated with a playful grin, leaning gently into Lexa and ducking her head to look into her eyes. "What were their names?"

Her cheeks grew hot again and Lexa wouldn't have answered if it wasn't for the kindness in those dark eyes. There was no judgment, no expectation, just care and curiosity, and for a fleeting moment Lexa felt as if she was just another person making a new friend. That she wasn't just the Commander, she was simply Lexa, and it was Lexa that Costia wanted to know about. Swallowing hard, Lexa forced a smile onto her face and flicked Costia's forehead, chuckling when the older woman acted wounded at this action. "Hephaestus, Athena, Artemis, and Hermes." Seeing the continued look of curiosity, Lexa added, "My father made a hobby of collecting books during his journeys. He loved to learn about the old world and one of his favorites had stories of the Greek Gods. I named the falcons after them. Although Hephaestus never married Athena in the stories."

"No?" asked Costia, her expression encouraging. "Why not?"

"Athena would never have him nor did he want her. He was married to Aphrodite, the Goddess of Love & Beauty," supplied Lexa, folding her arms over her chest and smiling as she recalled the stories her father loved to read to her. 

"What was Athena then?" asked Costia, her hands holding onto the branch, keeping herself steady. 

"The Goddess of War & Wisdom," said Lexa knowingly, offering a tiny smirk, realizing Costia would appreciate that. Costia whistled in response and sensing her next question, Lexa continued, "Hephaestus was the God of the Forge, Artemis the Goddess of the Hunt, and Hermes the Messenger of the Gods." Lexa was silent for a moment, studying Costia's expression and she looked down at Gustus who had been joined by a city guard long ago and was chatting and eating his dinner. They would have to get down soon, return to their lives and their ever present duties, but for now they were alone and Lexa felt at peace. Clearing her throat and looking to Costia, she asked, "Would you like me to tell you one of their stories?"

"Yes," said Costia happily, "very much."

"There was a great city in Greece that both Athena and Poseidon, God of the Sea, wanted to claim for their own," Lexa began the tale and soon one story led into another and another. It was only as the sky grew darker and the sounds of animals louder in the woods, did they leave their perch. Their climb down was a slow one despite Lexa's skill and Costia's fast learning. Perhaps they were reluctant to reach the ground and part ways. They walked closely together, side by side into the city, and when they entered the gates Costia paused, opening her mouth, then swiftly closing it. There was a lost look in her brown eyes and Lexa found herself asking, "Join me for dinner at the Government House?"

Immediately Costia's face brightened but then her expression was more subdued and she remarked, "Anya will be cross."

"That can't be helped, it's her natural state of being," said Lexa sardonically and Costia laughed then flashed her brilliant smile. Still, there was a hesitation in her gaze, a worry that she was an imposition despite Lexa's invitation and Lexa found that infinitely frustrating. Clearing her throat and stepping closer, her voice low so no one but Costia could hear her, she murmured, "I would not invite you if I didn't want you there."

"All right," Costia breathed, her entire face alight with pleasure. "I'll join you."

"Good," said Lexa smugly and she quickly turned her heel, proud of her victory, unaware of the fond look Costia gave her at this. 

Very soon, dinner was making Lexa feel less triumphant. It was an awkward and stilted affair, with Anya's accusing eyes upon Costia and Lexa. Until finally, her First gave up her silent judgment and focused her attention on the Senator. "You are not born of the Tree People," she stated harshly.

"No, I'm not," said Costia and there was an equal measure of steel in her voice. "Many aren't. Surely you know that the other tribes are not nearly as civilized as the Trigedakru and because of this, people come to us to try and prove their worth so they might join our numbers. I did the same. Albeit as a child, though I did my best to make myself worthy of the kindness Johan gave me." She leaned forward, putting her elbows on the table and fixing Anya with a hard glare. "Often I think those who fight to earn their place in our tribe appreciate what they have the most."

Anya didn't respond, merely met Costia's gaze, and Lexa shot her First an annoyed look. She wished her distrust would ease or at least become less combative but that wasn't Anya's way and Lexa had little chance of ever changing her. "What tribe were you with before?" asked Lexa, trying to bring something else into this conversation, something less problematic, but she knew she failed when Costia focused a blank gaze on her.

"I don't recall, Heda," said Costia quietly, "I was very small when Johan rescued me." 

The rest of the evening was uncomfortable and Lexa wanted to apologize, to do something to fix it, but Costia would not let her. When dinner was over, she thanked Lexa for the invitation then left Lexa with her mentor. Now alone, Anya didn't react to Lexa's accusing gaze when she entered the study, continuing to poke at the fire as she said calmly, "She's lying to you."

"About what?" asked Lexa with exasperation, flopping down on the couch. 

"Not knowing her old tribe," said Anya simply, looking up at Lexa with a hard gaze. "She knows and she would not tell you." Pointing the poker at Lexa, she said in grave tones, "You are her Commander, the leader of our people, the ultimate word in all matters and she lied to you."

"You don't know that for certain," Lexa argued, although in her heart, she felt Anya was right. 

"I know," said Anya simply, turning back to the fire, "I just can't prove it."

"She is a Senator, Anya, she's good and loyal to our tribe," said Lexa, feeling annoyed they were having this conversation. "Stop looking for enemies where there are none." Anya snorted at this and Lexa sighed. "I know you mean well, that you want to protect me, but I don't need it from her."

"You're smitten," said Anya shortly, standing and hovering over her charge. "You don't want to see what I do." 

Lexa didn't respond as Anya left her and she remained where she was for a long while after that. Staring into the fire and wondering why Costia had answered as she did and whether it really mattered. Everyone held secrets, that was something Anya herself had taught her. That to survive you held back parts of yourself, things to keep safe, and that was what helped her survive the loss of her parents. She put that grief away, hidden it deep in her heart, and it was in that same place that she stowed away her fears about being the Commander. The increasing worry that she would not be good enough, that she was a false prophet, chosen by accident, who would lead her people to ruin as her previous incarnation did. Surely that same reasoning was why Costia answered as she did. There was something about her old tribe, something she wanted to hide away and forget in order to go on, and if that was the reason, Lexa would not fault her. 

Still, it saddened her, the idea that she had been lied to. Especially by Costia.

\---

That lie is lurking in the back of Lexa's mind in the coming weeks and it keeps Costia at a distance. They don't meet for lunch as often and Lexa finds herself seeking out other Senators for advice, whereas before she questioned Costia about most things. There is a hurt in Costia's eyes that Lexa thinks she sees from time to time. Something that flares quickly but is soon gone and Costia is genial as always. Her smile bright and her laugh beautiful but it isn't the same. That sadness she tries to hide from Lexa somehow comes through and Lexa wonders at it. She wonders and she hopes that maybe it is as she thought, that there is something Costia must hide, for her own sanity and though it's ridiculous, she wants Costia to miss her. That her sadness comes not from losing the political advantage of talking to the Commander, but instead for no longer being close to Lexa. 

She wants this so very desperately that Lexa almost hates herself for it.

Perhaps Anya is right, she is smitten and foolish. They have only been meeting for three months now. There isn't years of history between them and Lexa is the Commander, she should be concerned with bigger things. With the future of her people and any threats to them and Lexa is but she's just as fixated on Costia and that pained look in her eyes whenever they speak. 

Two weeks pass like this until one day Lexa enters her private office and finds a small wooden sculpture on her desk. Her eyes wide, Lexa reaches for it, admiring the skill involved in its creation. It's a tree with wide branches and thick leaves with space enough to look inside and see a nest of miniature falcons. Holding it in her hand, Lexa swallowed the lump that appeared in her throat and closed her eyes tightly shut. Releasing a shuddering sigh and squeezing her hand tight around the sculpture, Lexa had her answer. There was was so much craftsmanship and care put into this sculpture and gazing it at once more, Lexa rushed out of her office, determined to find Costia.

She was in the city square, eating lunch and talking with her constituents. They were smiling and they spoke to her eagerly, telling her about their lives and things they needed her help with. Costia was listening attentively and she was the last to notice Lexa's presence, she was so involved in listening to their problems. It was only when the people around her froze and leapt to their feet, giving loud salutations of "Heda!" that Costia looked her way. Following their lead, she rose to her feet and dipped her head, giving Lexa a solemn and respectful greeting. 

Holding the statue in her hand, feeling overwhelmed and confused, Lexa opened her mouth to speak but no words came. A look of concern fell over Costia's dark features and she smiled at their people and said, "I believe Heda has matters of state she wishes to discuss with me." She looked back to Lexa, a prompting look in her gaze. "Is that right?"

"Yes," said Lexa roughly, squeezing her hands tight, and blinking quickly. "Please," she tried offering them all a smile, "if you would excuse us?" They all quickly scattered and they were alone in the small corner of the restaurant. Lexa shifted from foot to foot, suddenly unsure of herself, and feeling painfully young as she looked at Costia. Opening the hand that held the statue, she presented it in her palm, holding it out to Costia who looked at her with wide eyes. "Was this you?" Mindful of the attention on them, Costia stood to the side of Lexa, blocking their faces from inspection and she dipped her head silently. Lexa swallowed again, blinking back tears that suddenly formed and she asked, "Why?" 

"I hoped you would like it, that it might remind you of home," said Costia haltingly and Lexa wondered at this. It was such a beautiful gift, handmade and thoughtful, that must have taken so much devotion that she could hardly believe it was for her. That Costia cared enough to take Lexa's description of that tree and make it into this statue. "I'm sorry if I overstepped my bounds."

"You didn't," said Lexa, shaking her head, giving Costia a tremulous smile. "I love it."

"Johan taught me to carve objects out of wood," offered Costia after a moment, "it helps clear my mind. I just wanted to do something for you. That night you invited me to dinner... I didn't tell you the truth." She paused and Lexa watched her throat bob and her arms start to tremble then she looked to Lexa, a determination in her gaze as she went on, "My life before I joined the Trigedakru was not a happy one--"

"Don't," said Lexa soft and strong, feeling every inch the Commander as she spoke. "That story is your own. I won't ask you to tell it."

"Heda," Costia's voice was quiet and it was a delicate thing, something precious that Lexa wanted to protect forever. 

"I'm not just that," said Lexa, confidence rising in her as she reached out to clasp Costia with her free hand, holding onto her arm in one of their traditional greetings. "I hope I'm also your friend." Nerves beginning to rise at Costia's silence and the lack of reaction on her face, she looked down at the statue in her other hand before returning her attention to Costia. "Isn't that why you made this?" 

"Yes," responded Costia and her smile was bright and beautiful and Lexa felt her heart race at the sight, "it is and you are." Costia gave a broken laugh, appearing melancholy and embarrassed, then rubbed her eyes and looked at Lexa. "You're right, you know. You are older than anyone." 

"Sometimes," Lexa acknowledged and then, before she could think better of it, she rushed forward and gathered Costia into her arms. She held Costia for a brief moment but it was time enough to smell her scent, try and memorize the touch of her body, and relish the heat of their embrace. When they parted, she smiled awkwardly and her cheeks felt hot as she shifted from foot to foot. Ducking her head and looking up into Costia's smiling brown eyes, she questioned, "Friends?"

"Always," said Costia kindly and Lexa knew when she said this it was the truth.


End file.
